And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
