you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
