non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
