i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
