Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Are my feet made of real feet?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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