he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
