i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I could fuck to npr.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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