i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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