I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
