Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
