My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize