And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
