so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
