Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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