i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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