forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
