anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
