My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How external is "for external use only"?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
