Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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