I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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