Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize