I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
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