I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
