I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize