You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
