Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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