dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
