i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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