just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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