Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
