i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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