I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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