I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
