Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
