Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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