he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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