it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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