i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
