I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
