I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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