i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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