dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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