Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize