i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
