I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
