ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
