No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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