Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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