So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
