This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
