So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish I could teleport
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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