it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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