So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
