i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize