he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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