I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
worst night to have a conscience
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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