What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
