I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
