then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
