i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
