And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
