Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
