I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How does one acquire holy water?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
