Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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