He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
