I think I died a long time ago.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
