Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize