I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
