They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize