Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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