Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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