My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
