JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
