Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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