The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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