Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
