They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
