farters have to be the big spoon...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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