1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize