She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
