I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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