sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
