Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
