after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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