I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
