Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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