Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
