Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
