i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
