I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
