Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
