You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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