she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize