You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
